Top 7 Books For Empowered Relationships

Conflict is a normal part of adult relationships, and no one is perfect at navigating conflict. People who struggle with symptoms of trauma, anxiety, and depression often have an especially hard time maintaining satisfying relationships; however, even those who don’t have active mental health symptoms are guaranteed to experience relationship trouble from time to time.

Couples therapy is a great option for couples looking for support during challenging times. If you’re not quite ready for couples therapy, or if you’re in couples therapy and looking for additional resources, check out this list of my most recommended books about relationships. These “couples therapy books” aren’t actually a substitute for therapy, but they’re an excellent way to supplement the relationship skills you already have.

1. Attached

Authors: Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

If you’ve ever worried that you’re either too needy or too independent, this is an excellent one to start with. Attached is a phenomenal book about the attachment styles of adults, and how each style shapes intimacy, expectation, and communication in relationships.

This book about relationships is refreshingly nonjudgmental, breaking attachment down into three styles—anxious, avoidant, and secure—and illustrates the most common needs and habits of each type. The authors explain research findings in easy, approachable language, and provide suggestions to help you leverage your natural attachment style for maximum benefit.

2. The Jealousy Cure: Learn to Trust, Overcome Possessiveness, and Save Your Relationship

Author: Robert L. Leahy, PhD.

If your relationship has been affected by intense jealousy, I highly recommend this couples therapy book. Dr. Leahy explores the science of jealousy, and takes the shame out of this troubling emotion by using research to show just how common jealousy is.

Rather than dismissing jealousy as a red flag, this book about relationships (both new and long-term) approaches the topic with compassion and sensitivity, and offers helpful strategies for both the jealous person and their partner.

3. Come As you Are

Author: Emily Nagoski, PhD.

Sex is both an essential and complicated element of most relationships. If you’re looking for a book to help you improve communication in your relationship about sex, Come as You Are is a fantastic place to start.

Dr. Nagoski’s most pivotal book about sexuality in relationships focuses on women’s sexuality, but if you’re a man who’s either dating or married to a woman, this book is just as much for you as it is for her.

Nagoski emphasizes that questions about sex are normal, and goes on to explore how stereotypical portrayals of female sexuality are often the cause of women’s shame and their partner’s confusion. She takes readers through the body parts and brain mechanisms involved in sex, as well as the different ways sexual response may manifest for women. Most importantly, she offers illuminating suggestions to help build confidence, clarity, and communication in relationships so couples can have their best sex yet.

4. The Five Love Languages

Author: Gary Chapman

This classic couples therapy book is perfect for couples who know that they love each other, but often find themselves struggling to convey their feelings and feeling lonely in their relationship. Gary Chapman illustrates the five love languages—affirming words, spending quality time, physical touch, performing acts of service, and giving and receiving gifts—and helps readers identify which language best describes them. From there, he offers tips to help you express your particular needs and feelings in ways your partner can truly understand.

This book about communication in relationships is perfect for anyone who senses a disconnect in their relationship but can’t quite identify the cause. Even if you’re not certain that communication is the issue, I still strongly suggest this book as a starting point.

5. Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Authors: John Gottman, PhD., and Nan Silver

The authors of Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work use science to discover the common principles that govern successful marriages.

In this often-cited book about relationships, Gottman and Silver describe how they observed couples over a long period in order to identify the specific attitudes and behaviors that strengthen bonds.

One of the most common themes they observe of successful marriages is emotional intelligence. They describe what exactly emotional intelligence is and, most importantly, how you can increase yours in order to better communicate with your partner. Even if you think you’re an EQ pro, this book will challenge you, expand your perspective, and introduce you to the tools that reignite your relationship.

Whether you’re new to books about communication in relationships or a self-help veteran, this title will give you a fresh perspective and new insights.

6. Magnificent Sex

Author: Peggy Kleinplatz, PhD.

If you’re struggling with low sexual desire, sexual needs that don’t seem to align with your partner’s, or even pain during sex, this couples therapy book is the place to start. Being honest with a partner—and even with ourselves!—isn’t always easy, but fortunately, Magnificent Sex provides information and suggestions to help you regain your confidence and pleasure.

Even if you consider yourself emotionally and sexually intelligent, this book about sex in relationships will teach you something new. Author Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz covers it all, including letting go of harmful and distracting expectations, the most important components of great sex, how other aspects of the relationship may be affecting your sex life, and more.

7. Communicate Your Feelings (Without Starting a Fight)

Author: Nic Saluppo

If you’re looking for a book specifically about communication in relationships, this one’s for you. Communicate Your Feelings provides practical tips for men and women on how to discuss your feelings with your partner in a way they can truly understand. It also provides tools for listening and responding to your partner in honest and affirming ways. While the focus is largely on what does work, it also covers the most common communication flubs to avoid in order to prevent resentment and unnecessary conflict.

Didn’t Quite Find What You’re Looking For?

As mentioned earlier, those with anxiety, depression, or other mental health diagnoses are especially likely to experience relationship troubles. If the titles on this list don’t resonate with you, it may be that the topics addressed in books about relationships are skipping over your more pressing needs. Check out this list of books on anxiety and depression—there you’ll find my favorite recs for helping anxiety and depression sufferers not only understand themselves better, but communicate their feelings and needs more effectively with those they love.

And, if you aren’t already getting help for your anxiety or mood disorder, check out this post on the effectiveness of therapy in order to learn how working with a professional can help you better manage your symptoms, develop a more fulfilling life, and enjoy the healthy, satisfying relationship that you deserve.

Interested in Couples Therapy?

If you’re worried that book about relationships may not be enough to rebuild closeness and security with your partner, it means it’s time to seriously consider couples therapy. At my Los Angeles-based practice, I help couples at all relationship stages improve communication, deepen understanding, and strengthen commitment. The biggest mistake couples can make is waiting too long to seek help—so if you’re curious, reach out today.